Have you ever experienced the sharp sense of emptiness prevailing within you with every passing minute of time? When you do your best to feel the slightest of any emotion and fail miserably! You just dont feel anything..you should feel anger and it doesnt come out! you feel like crying and the Hormones responsible for the transportation of Tears just don't work...you know that you have lost your entire universe and that nothing is going to feel the same way ever again but still You dont feel anything..the emotional side of it , I mean.
I don't know about the rest of you but I have this thing with me since long ..The moment I recognized the sphere of Self-esteem and Self-dignity was the moment I invented this Defense mechanism! The Shield of 'Indifference'..!
The need of it was being felt bad when the girl within me got exposed and it occurred to me how delicate and vulnerable she was! It is damn easy to hurt her, to approach her, to hit her in the heart!
I couldnt stand the sight of it, it was pure injustice to me..how come anybody can hurt somebody that pure and vulnerable just becouse she was easy to target ! just becouse she was made to love and love only?! I had to build that wall between her and the world.I had to keep her safe or she would have died since long..So I came up with this idea..I contrived this mechanism which could keep her at he safe distance from the cruel and harsh world.
It worked quite right for like so many years..The delicate emotional girl was safe-guarded by this Confident,Strong and Fighter Avatar.Unless this safety net was being bitten to ground by somebody who bypassed that Avatar and was successful in approaching the real girl..'The strong me' tried her level best to protect 'the innocent and unarmed me'...but It was too late then..
I couldn't safe her..all my precautions went in vain...and today when she is bleeding to death..my God damn Defense Mechanism is not even letting her cry! and thus she feels this emptiness that is eating her up bit by bit with every passing moment...Its such a sight to see the pure,emotional side of you to die slowly and painfully..and there is nothing you can do!
Ask me and I would tag it as 'height of helpless-ness'...or 'peak of miseryy'! You decide!