A welcome note..


Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Journey of Ten years and 15 seconds



She had tears in her eyes...but tears were not all that caught my attention towards her..it was something else...it was the expression on her face...I have no words to explain it..it was pure Pain..Pain in its Worst Form...mingled with many other things that I couldn't recognize...I touched her on the shoulder..she lifted her face up..looked me in the eyes..I froze! I never thought Pain could be that captivating! that forceful...it was like her soul was on fire and the light of that fire was reflecting from her plain eyes....For an instant I forgot what I wanted to ask her...She raised her eye-brow which broke the trance for a little while..long enough to bring me back into my senses...


"whats wrong"?


"Nothing" she said...


"Please tell me...you don't look OK...look em your friend..right? look at me and tell me what is wrong?"


"He rejected me!"


"what"? who and why?


"Em not beautiful he said"...


"Who is he anyway?"


"hm mm....."


Then she started talking......




"I was in my teens then...a pure soul...innocent to the extent of dumbness....There was this thing with me...I had craze for beautiful Voices..actually WEIRD is a better word..deep sensual voices were my secret sacred passion....


He used to go with me on our school van..two years older to me..he was in senior section...and he had that voice that drove me crazy whenever I was around him...remember we were not the kids of this age.,..the childhood bestowed its purest innocent upon us in every way...I was too young and too dumb to understand what the attraction was all about..all I thought was the voice connection...I just felt good when ever I heard him..Life was good..my friends...my school..and him on our school van while returning from school....


 Then he passed out from school...there was not his voice around me anymore...that left me all puzzled and worried and gloomy..out of the desperation I tried to find his number...and got it one day..


Dialled it....he picked it..he said HELLO...my heart skipped its first heartbeat.,,my palm were sweat ..I hung up..can still recall the sensation of that moment...this later on became a part of my routine ..used to dial his number..hear his voice and hang up..it was a matter of few days that I was successful to match my timings with his schedule...


Then one day.,on my dialing his number, he picked up and the moment he recognized the familiar silence he said "talk to me!"..and I hung up instantly...I was shivering...I had never thought to face him..to confess my madness for his voice..and then I was a kid then..a confused , dimwit kid who knew nothing about attraction between the opposite pools ...


There was a gape between my next call...I called..he picked..and said "Talk to me !" again/...and this time I did....we talked for like an hour...and then it was added to my routine..whenever I had time and privacy ..I gave him a call....we used to talk for long periods of time....I dint revealed my identity....I was not brave enough for this..but I did tell him I was attracted to his voice....


He had completed his Fsc in the meanwhile....underwent the entry test.,,passed it..and got admission in M.B.B.S ...Then the day came when ..he told me he was leaving for His college out of station and far from our small place...


I lost contact with him after he got busy in his studies....but I could never forget him..I got through my graduation and after 4 years of his leaving  , I got admission in University which brought me in the same city that he was in.....It was start of both My Hostel and university life..when my  fellows were busy making relationships with each other while I was busy trying to find his number....


It took me another 4 years before I got his number somehow,..Imagine my university life in the meanwhile it was all feminist and no male around...I just could not think of any one...


So after 10 years I called him again....he picked..I couldn't say a word..The sensation was bigger then the first time...It was as my soul was starving for his voice..I dialled his number for 5 times that day before he stopped picking my calls...


He was an Mbbs doctor now...Was practicing...I took the courage to talk to him next day...surprisingly he remembered who I was,,,


We talked for a week before he asked me to see him somewhere....and before we could make him any plans ..he said "make sure...you are beautiful"..I was speechless...Becouse I wasn't....I was just another ordinary face...I had nothing special about me...but I promised myself to try to look pretty at least....


The day came..I had left no stone un-turned to make sure I was looking better then the Usual..he came to pick me from my place,,,,and as he had said a night before on phone that he hated make up and blush on specially ...so i put no make up on..When I left to see him..I saw in the mirror the face of a girl all absorbed in love...there was on her face this sincerity and a divine expression ......I sat with him on front seat...It took me 15 minutes before I manged to have my first look at him after years...he was changed...he was changed into a sober man....and it took him 15 seconds before he saw me for the first time...we were supposed to stay together for that whole evening..but I was back to my place after 10 minutes!! I hope that says it all..."


She dint speak again for that evening...I dint know how to console her...She was normal the next morning...I felt good to see smiling...Time passed by...We passed out...left for our homes...promised to see each other again ...


I saw her after 3 years last weekend..she was my room-mate...she was my best friend...I missed her so much..I was amazed to see how good she was looking..how fresh..how pretty...she was converted into a stylish girl...we talked for hours..I asked her plans ..asked her when she was going to get married...She told me there is this man in her life who loves her so much...I was delighted to hear this..what is the issue then? I asked her..she fell quiet and then she said if I remembered that evening when I found her crying in that dark corner...


"Im still trapped in that moment..for me. time has stopped there..the moment I was getting off his car..the moment he was leaving after dropping me back...the moment I stood there and saw him leaving...the moment my soul was begging him to look    back at me...you know I stood there for half an hour before passers by started elbowing each other , it was only then that I realised I was crying..I had been crying for the whole time..May be from the moment when he dropped me back without saying a single word...he dint even look at me again...That one Glance was enough for him..enough to tell I was not the pretty one...I wonder if he noticed if he noticed the shine on my face...you know what I never called him again...I had loved him for 10 long years of my life...It took him 15 seconds to make me feel like a dirt...it took him 15 seconds to strangle that innocent girl within me...it was the last time I saw her in the mirror..she is lost since then...That evening changed me altogether...I am a stronger person now...I dont need to love again..I now know the principle of adjustments...Its just whenever somebody tell me He loves me...I get tears in my eyes.....Whenever he tells me he loves me,,,I feel like crying...I dont trust him for that..and I hate myself for this..."


She fell quiet again and so did I....


Maybe we need to dig harder to know what this demeaning sense of Rejection can do to humans...Humans are made beautiful as they are made by The Creator...Let me tell you my friend here is not that ordinaray....But as I investigated on my own later ...That guy was of normal height...a very average height..while she is tall..like tall and slim...the guy is , as em told, very conscious of his height...may be that was one reason He dint persue the matter..But does this matter now? There is no way I can make her understand that he Rejected her out of his own complexes...she just wont listen to me...The damage has been done..there is no Compensation for this now...or is it?/






Mishi's speacial Note..








My lovely dubbly bubbly Friends..Mishi says Thankz for your valuebale suggestions and support...Seems like I have found out the key to the problem...its simple...Just carry on with your spontanious mood and it will do it right..just as I did the previous BUk BUk post!;p










35 comments:

  1. awww our mishi is back with a blast..I loved it..it touched my heart..i have been in one-sided love for like 4 years and I can understand every feeling of this girl here...bless you mishi for writing this..love you girl

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  2. love is a strange thing. but sense of rejection is stranger.loved it mishi.keep writing

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  3. no there is no compensation for this now.damage has truly been done.great read mishi

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  4. Love hurts. Rejection hurts more.

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  5. What can I say... one sided love is a totally lose... :/

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  6. rejection hurts even if there is no love involved.we humans are very sensitive about our appearances.tell somebody that he is looking fresh and beautiful then check out the glow on his face, and tell the same person next day that he is looking weak or down or tanned...and he will be down for real..its like spoiling somebody's day.that is why I always tell people around me that they are looking just fine.I liked it mishi.as sense of rejection is my interest too

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  7. one sided love is madness but still you dont have the right to reject some one merly on his looks..this is unfair.i wish if i could find somebody who had loved me for 10 long years:(

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  8. Ahh.....seems like a story.I wish its been an untrue one. But if it is a true one - tell your friend that I am proud of her brave attempt to accept life and tell her that she should be glad that she is saved from a man who couldn't fight his own complexes - how would he take a stand for someone else :P

    Tell me Mishi.....cant we humans take rejection as an opportunity which life offers so that we get something better? I know it's easier said then done...but it can be done.

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  9. Mishi, for the 1st time im reading your blog ..
    And Im Like speechless..
    Awesome ..
    At first i was like,"Who's gonna read sucha long post"
    But as i started reading,it was like each sentence compelled me to read more ..
    Fantabulous Writing :)

    So this was for the post ...
    And for the Story part,it's sad ..more when something from someone makes you feel inferior in the criteria of something that's even not your fault ..

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  10. Its been really a long time i came across a good blog. And seriously, i have never read a long post like this one, but you managed to keep my attention intact throughout.

    Awesome write-up girl!

    Rejection hurts bad. I have seen people breaking into pieces ..

    Following you now! =)
    Love xoxo

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  11. Ishq hota nahi sabhi k liye :(

    Weakest LINK

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  12. What an aggressive come back MISHI? It's really full of alive lava.

    I think relationship can't be one way street.
    Thus, the resulted rejection is natural.

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  13. R ejection of any kind and form is hard to digest ...it brings a complex and deteriorates the personality giving a big hard kick to someone unexpectedly...
    its bad!
    written and explained very well ...its very close to reality..those who suffer the pain and rejection knows well ...

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  14. so here is our free style writer, back with a bang.... :)

    and yes it hurts, any form of rejection always hurts...butttt waiting for so long without knowing what He feels about her is somewhat never advisable....

    irfan

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  15. only 1 thing to say: WHAT A COMEBACK!

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  16. Lappie recovered and you - with this post completely recovered..

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  17. rejection after 10 years of wait and expectations hurts... :(

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  18. loved ur writing!!.............being rejected always leaves a mark on ur heart!! poor soul :-(

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  19. This post is hard in realism and very beautifully written. On your part, and on hers.
    First love is always special, and that she had treasured it for 10 years, it was more than that.
    Of late, I say that love at first sight is often not true, it's just infatuation. To develop a liking, we need days, and who knows the expectations might get a complete overhaul while we learn more about that person. So rejection downright is an offense to me.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  20. I think a person who can love so much is too beautiful to be real. It is sad that such beauty has to suffer rejection at the hands of this cruel world. But thats the kind of world we live in. *sigh*
    I guess everything happens for the best. She definitely deserves better. And when she finds it, she will realize how beautiful she is. :)
    Liked the way you narrated it. :)

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  21. Rejection is very hard to erase...love might not work out forever...but being rejected is a pain you carry forever

    Loved it!
    Hey just a though...it be soo great if you reduce the font size. The posts will appear smaller and too much scrolling not needed.
    Just a thought..

    Loved it...gonna stalk you

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  22. love so makes and breaks us-and rejection is sometimes the death knell, which is so sad.
    if only we didn't live to love or love to live!

    welcome back-bang on!:-)

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  23. @fatima

    i hope you have found you right guy too..right?thankz:)

    @nazia...thankz dear

    @Mibah..hmmm that wot I thought

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  24. @Soumya.yeh it truly hurts

    @Asma..one-sided love is plain insanity

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  25. @dilawar...I always look forward for your comments..you have anaylzed it just right..this is so sweet of you to tell others all the good things about them...otherwise pple love to make u feel bad!

    @jalal...yes jalal...nobody has the right to reject other for their appearnces only..you should look for valid reasons/

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  26. @jigyasa..thank you so much for your concern..I will give her your message:)

    @shaan..hey thankz for dropping by:-)

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  27. @nostalgic..thankz for joining my page and thankz for liking it:-)

    @rachit..yes sadly its true...tho everyone has the right to love and be loved.

    @tariq.,,haha thankz Tariq sab:-) thankyou so much

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  28. @harman.,,,agree with every word of it

    @Irfanuddin.,,hahahaha yeh the free style writer is back;p

    @sujatha...awwwwwwww thankyou so much sweetheart:-)

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  29. @ashwini...thankz:)

    @israr..yup ;-(

    @khushu..thankz for dropping by:)

    @Aeshtete ..awwwwwwwww thank you so much...appreciation coming from somebody who write much much better then me is priceless!!

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  30. AWWWWW! that is so heart felt post mishi. I hope ur friend is doing fine, she should. And belive me with time she will grow out of it.

    I just don't get it, why would someone do that. I mean if he would spend little time with her, just being friends or long lost acquaintance...what harm could be done. It sounds like guy was very shallow, too shallow. I mean do people actually do this? can't they even pretend for not liking for some time?

    can't belive how shallow he is/was. Very good post mishi, good luck. AWARD waiting for you on my post.

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  31. @jo...yes i wish the same for her.

    @red-handed..advice taken! and thankz :-)


    @suruchi...thankoo:-)

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  32. @Aiman....So you are back! welcome back;-)

    and yeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy thankz for the awards..I will just go and check it!:-)

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  33. I dont know why we take rejection so hard, well I am not saying i dont I do too.. but experience has taught me that rejection is sometimes goood too .. other doors open and maybe better ones ..

    loved the story ..

    Bikram's

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  34. @Bikramjit...hey Thankz for visiting and leaving me your wonderful comments..em truly honored:-)

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  35. lovely story mishi.I loved it.the end was sad but I guess its for the best for her

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