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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Watch Out! She is a Munhoos Girl



I am left shocked and Speechless, Life is full of twists..bad things happen to people around us almost all the time.Sometimes we stop to console them and sometimes we continue with our Lives ignoring or avoiding or overlooking the misery of others.This is what Life is all about..we remind ourselves..But its only when someone very dear and near to you gets hurt when you stop there and then ..feel the pain at its best and find yourself all confused and messed up..don't know what to do! How to console that person.words,no matter, how wonderfully fabricated seem insufficient to match the level of your emotional connection with that one tragedy which has at its end someone close to your Heart..


Abida (named Aabi) is my childhood friend..we practically grew up together, went to same school and then to same college.I have all the best memories of my school/college life with her,She is everywhere in those shining, golden,beautiful memories.Sweet,Smart,Smiling and Elegant that she was! She had that particular style of thinking and talking that made us name her "miss Philospher"..God how recalling all those moments are making me all the more shaky and tense...


People say your childhood is the best time of your life..I always thought otherwise..and Considered my youth time as the best phase as we have all the energy and passion and free-will that one needs to run his/her life..But Now I realize that is true actually..Childhood surely is the best part of one's Life, As that is the time when you don't know what Life is planning for you,and IGNORANCE IS A BLISS...it surely and truly is..I remember how we used to joke about our Future Life..shadi,buchay and buchon kay buchay..LOL...and None of us knew what was stored for us in Future.


I moved to Lahore after my Graduation and unfortunately I was the only one from my Group who could manage studying further, all the other Friends had Permission problems or Financial issues.I got Disconnected with my Childhood Friends..all the Promises that we made to be always in touch faded away.I thought its natural ..when We move on..we leave people behind..and we find other people in our life.the cycle never stops..People come and People go.But I did maintain that Hello/Hi thing with them..and managed to have all the latest news about them.


It was Eid-ul-Fiter Last Year and I was informed that finally Aabi is engaged and getting married shortly after Eid..I got excited to hear the news as both of us.me and her were the only one in our childhood Group that were left single..all the other got married years ago..I decided to call her and forgot when I got busy doing other things..It kinda slipped from my mind until I got to talk to another Friend after 3 months, I asked her how it went with Aabi..how was the wedding and the broom and who else was there..she went quiet...
Then I learned that she never got married..as her Husband-to-be got killed in an Accident just a week before their wedding..I was too shocked to say anything..it was after three months that I got this news.tears began to form in the corner of my eyes..I couldn't say anything..she told me how tough the time has been for Aabi..and how she still continues with her single status..because she is tagged as "Munhoos" now...


Can you believe this?! She was the one with the Biggest Loss..and she was the one who was blamed for everything.I had her number in the next five minutes and gave her a call..I dint say anything..I just cried on phone and so did she..we dint need words to communicate..she knew how sorry I was to hear this and I knew how relieved she was to have me there.I dint say any word to console her.I couldn't .I just asked how it was going with her and she told me all the pinching, stupid little myths that made rounds after the tragedy ..that how the Ladies who came in their house to console them whispered  about the "bad-Luck" that Aabi brought for their Fiancee^ .I remained with her in touch until now, She is much better now..still Single tho and Still Facing those Allegations..But a Lot Batter Of course.


The reason I have this in my mind now is because I heard this story about this girl living next to our Building..Her Fiancee had an accident just a week before and couldn't survive., I recalled it because I witnessed that Sheer Cruelty that I missed in Aabi's case being away from her then..the way those women were describing her "Miserable" and"Poor Soul" and then Blaming that Girl's "Nuhosut" for everything..


I was left Shocked and Speechless..I cried on my way home.It was for that girl or may be not..It was for my Friend too..I Realized what she must had been Through..and she still faces this..I cried for this Poor Girl Because now I know what She will have to Go through all her Life...We are not humans..are we? I wonder if those Women even tried to place their Own Daughters in the same situation,,
When something similar happens to us..we blame the People for their Ignorance  and Cruelty..we tend to forget how we become the same people for others in the other way round..ruthless and Selfish that we Humans are!


Image Source: Google Images

40 comments:

  1. Society is such an ugly thing! But why just blame them...look around, even our family believes in it when we are not the victims.

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  2. man i didn't have a heart to read further than than manhus line,
    i just can't believe that first of all its her life which is ruined and then people are blaming her,
    fuck the world, man fuck the world, somebody,
    my prayers for ur friend,

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  3. That is so sad..
    I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

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  4. I feel so sad for your Friend and that girl too.I agree with you, people are plain ruthless when it comes to tagging others.you have pointed out a very solid social issue here.Bless you

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  5. oh poor girls.it has left me sad too.great post mishi.I wish we could do something about it.this really SUCKS

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  6. I'm so sorry your friend had to go through this but what does Munhoos mean? I've never heard of it before

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  7. @hazel it means "someone who brings Bad-Luck" mishi must have forgotten to mention its english translation:-)

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  8. and mishi I have no words.this is something that we all see and observe around us but never speak about it.thanks for writing about it.your friend has all my prayers

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  9. when a girl dies, the man get happily married to another girl (most of the time), and when the guy dies, it's the woman who has to share all the blame....humanity is still gripped by such stupid prejudices...it's sad...

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  10. Our society especially in India and Pakistan is full of hypocrites who claim to be fearful of God but completely ignore the fundamentals of life. Blaming a human for misfortune ....I hate those people.

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  11. Wo un se bhi bade manhoos jo upar wale ke huqm ko kisi masoom ki galati batate hain aur use manhoos keh ke sataate hain.

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  12. In some cultures, upon the death of husband-the widow is or has been burnt alive alongwith the dead husband. However, in case of wife's death-the widower husband is ready for a fresh marriage. No justice here other than male machoism.
    Similarly, had Aabi got killed, her would be husband had been totally free of others' negative finger pointing.

    In Aabi's case and your beighbours's case, I feel so sad, because instead of getting sypathized, the ladies already in grief- were humiliated.

    Nonsense is due to stinky thinking and dirty culture.
    Had there been ISLAM in true letter and spirit, such a nonsense would never have occured.
    Let's go for self educating about the true DIVINE MESSAGE.
    All are equal-----is beyond doubt the lesson number 1 for the humanity.

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  13. How sad for your friend and sorry to hear she has had to go through this!

    Unfortunately alot of people have this attitude, it is completely ignorant.

    I hope your friend finds happiness and it is good she has you back in her life to support her.

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  14. Bunch of idiots!!
    ...Morons of all time..
    it has been shown in indian movies too...
    I always thought..these ..F***** show all this stuff and give ideas to sick mind if ever that incident happens ..put the blame on the girl...
    But I am sure she will come up with flying colors..its good she is not married...otherwise uski halaat kaharaab kar dete...
    Idiotic people.

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  15. what am I supposed to say I dunno.. I just hope that my prayer helps..

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  16. I agree with Sub. if the woman dies, no issues. the show goes on. but if man dies, they literally murder the woman with their words & curses. very sad.

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  17. welcome to the real world... lets extend the definition...there are girls who are called manhoos because when they were born, someone in the family died, or some accident happened, or there was financial loss to the family...and so on... the list is endless... there is nothing like this in our religion and not any scientific evidence to this effect but still this is very much part of the society...and i wish the NGOs who claim to be working for women rights and awareness somehow deal with this important issue... create awareness about this as we believe that there is a specific time of death for each and every soul and it is not related to who is the fiancee or who is the daughter or things like that... if someone has to die, he will die no matter what...but alas...just like science has proved beyond any doubt that gender of the baby is determined by the husband and not the wife, yet in our society wife is blamed for it...and the sad part is that the so-called educated people also beleive in these myths...
    a very thought provoking post mishi...

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  18. Pure jahalat that's been prevailing in sub-continent since centuries.

    ARROGANCE (JAHALAT) has got nothing to do in ISLAM. Its lame cultural thing coming from illeterate or literate alike jahils, mostly women (sadly). Whoever is saying that negating basic concept of ISLAM to not do waham (ill-imagening)

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  19. This superstitiousness is sheer ignorance.
    It's sick. --____--

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  20. Sad...and depressing...I am not sure if we can call such people humans and if we are calling them so, I wouldnt like to call myself human...

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  21. That is so sad..yaarr .. =(
    Manhus kaminy log. =/
    My prayers for your Friend. =(

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  22. This is really upsetting & unfortunate.....Unfortunate are the people who forget the grace of humanity! But I am glad that your friend recovered and I am sure she, with you by her side....would set an example by fighting the uncalled for 'tags' n stay happy!

    It is great Mishi....that you raising alarms on such issues...! I hope people are reading!

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  23. yes some of the ugliest things in the world are sometimes our own trivial thoughts...this attitude has to change.

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  24. Society should be neglected if they are causing us any kind of harm.

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  25. Ur post brought tears to my eyes!! poor girls!!they don't deserve it at all! they can again get married but people try to not let em!thats hell sad!our society is soo cruel and superstitious !!........everyday many girls and women suffer!! But less people stand for em!!but I still believe the girls have power to shut up the society!just they have to stand against them bravely and have a WHO CARES attitude!!.....GREAT READ!!........

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  26. Life has both good and bad in it. So do people. But it is up to us what to do about it. The gist of life is that we are all the same, basically. We all go through both the good and bad of our respective lives. Wisdom tells us to deal with it in genuine understanding and compassion towards one another. We all stand connected in our similarities.

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  27. A real tear-jerker, this one. So beautifully told. I think I'm going to have to read it again!

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  28. hmmm....this is really shocking...

    The loss bearer can't be the faulter as well....

    What could be done....

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  29. GOD... dus it still happen?? i know we both live in PK..but i thought it was just in dramas ..or maybe i havent seen any girl coem across thsi fate ..ALLAH kA a shuker hai/.but lemme tell u net time if u meet aabi DUNC RY WID HER...just tell her u admire how brave she is
    one of my friends got divorced after nikah (no rukhsati)..when i met her after some time i made a cardboard SASH for her wid silver letters that read "super girl*... n i always talked OPENLY abt her divorce..how she felt..n everything
    hushign away teh matters makes it seem we r AVOIDIGN it..
    let her talk it out n tell u how ppl. behave. i knwo u want to make her laugh but teh more she talsk abt it the more she will RATIONALIze it...just liek when we BLOG ab our misfortune ( like u did abt ur brother) we feel VALIDATED n better!!
    also ask her to write her thougts n u can publish it on ur blog for her . when she'll read our replies she will feel TRULY GREAT!! :-)))!!

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  30. That's called society. Rather ugly society!
    It brings you up and throws you down, at the strike of the minute. We think its all historical and ancient until we see something like this happen ahead of us. And worse, they don't even let the girl live a life of peace, forget about letting her marry again.
    I admire the fact that you put this up. Its plain idiosyncrasy , specially when educated, intelligent people do this.
    Its a good, bold post. and definitely makes me sad..
    I'm following you now. You write well :)

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  31. SAD.....i think this is the time when she need a friend like you who can support her emotionally as well as morally to fight with the society and do something fruitful for herself instead of just looking for their sympathy who call them manhoos or whatever.....

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  32. hi mishi, i tried commenting on your posts alot of times but blogger doesnt allow me to do so.

    about the topic; i read in holy book that we have put humans in difficult circumstances . I hope she pass through this phase and may allah escort her and keep her happy afterwards. there is surely a compensation.

    about all of us i hope Allah help us guiding towards the right path and we can make ourselved a lill humane!!!

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  33. well people are so dump... the cruel selfish nature of humans.. well expressed...

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  34. hey mish..how r u? dear..everything alright..jus concerned!
    tc..love ya!

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  35. Orthodox superstition sucks. My heart goes out for her. I wish she finds a husband who gives her all the happiness in the world she deserves.

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  36. Hey Thank you so much for your feedback..I will send your wishes on her way..and sorry for not replying you Individually..my Blogger is being a spoiled child again...Thankoo All...and Love you all:-*

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  37. On one hand, we criticize whole western values (where there is no word like “manhoos”) and on the other, we have backwardness (as stated above) in our own society. Women (Mother, Sister, Wife etc. etc.) are great no doubt but don’t you think they need to learn certain (if not full) lessons from western world and make our society become stronger.

    Cell phone, computer, internet, laptop, scooter, motorcycle, train, plane were not invented by us (neither by Indian nor by Pakistani) but we use them frequently because they are very much needed by us. We as far as possible, keep our families away from western influence. You believe it or not, they too have goodies in them. Let’s not pick up their dirt but the best things they practise, there is no harm in it.

    Dowry, Manhoos, Apshakun and similar negative words are very much part of poor countries like us and our people wanna keep it intact for some gains financial or otherwise.

    I am personally very much hurt to read above.

    Since you are very close to her, I hope you will convey our message that dust will settle down soon and there will be a new dawn in her life. Just look forward.

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  38. Quite disappointing, upsetting.

    But we all will post comments here and little later forgot about this as you have mentioned in the last paragraph of your post. After all, life goes on.

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Love it or Hate it but Dont you dare Ignore it;p Do say something..I don't fear Criticism so you can say whatever you want to say!